内向的力量
作者：苏珊·凯恩 2012-4-18
如今，我们要为不寻常的个性风格的狭窄范围腾出空位。我们被告知，要好就要够大胆，要快乐就要会社交。我们视自己是一个性格外向的国家——这意味这我们丢掉了真实模样。根据研究，有三分之一到一半的美国人都是性格外向者，换句话说，你了解的每两到三个人中就有一个。（鉴于美国在最外向的国家中，数字起码要比世界其他的地方要高。）如果你本人不内向向，那么你肯定被一个内向的人抚养、监护或者和一个内向的人结婚或者结合在一起。
如果这个统计数据让你吃了一惊，那么可能是因为太多的人假装性格外向。私下的内向会在操场上、在高中衣帽间和美国公司的走廊里传递。有些人甚至欺骗他们自己，知道一些生活事件——临时解雇、空巢、一笔让他们按自己喜好自由使用时间的遗产——震荡了他们，使其重新审视自己的真实本质。你只要将这本书的主题和你的朋友和熟人提及，去找找那些最不可能认为自己是性格内向的人。
这就能明白，为什么那么多内向者隐藏自己了，甚至对自己也是。我们生活在一个我称为外向理想的价值体系中，理想自我是群居、占统治地位而且在聚光灯下很舒服的信仰无所不在。原型外向者更喜欢行动而不是沉思，更喜欢冒险而不是留心，更喜欢确定而不是怀疑。他喜欢快速的决定，甘冒犯错的危险。在团队中她表现良好，善于交际。我们常常认为，我们重视个人主义，但是却常常只是欣赏一种类型的人——那种“将自己摆出来”也很舒服的人。当然，我们允许技术天才独行者将自己的公司开在车库里，也允许他们拥有他们喜欢的任一性格，但是他们是例外，不是规律，我们也容忍那些富甲一方或者坚持信念如此做的人。
内向——常常伴着它的表亲：敏感、认真和羞怯——现在就处于二等人格特质，介于失望和病之间。性格内向的人活在性格外向的理想型下，就像女人活在男人的世界里一样不受到重视，因为那是一个反映他们是谁的核心问题。外向性是一种非常吸引人的性格类型，但是我们已将其变成了沉重的标准，我们很多人觉得我们必须要顺从。
外向型理想在很多的研究里有刊载，但是这类调查从未归组在同一个名类之下。例如，健谈的人就被认为更聪明、更有模有样，更有风趣以及更想与其成为朋友。话语的速度和音量也在考虑之内：我们将语速快者列为更能干和更讨人喜欢的一类，而慢的就不是这样。这种同样的现象也适用于群体里面，研究表明，爱说话的比沉默不语的被认为更聪明——即使能说会道和好想法之间没有任何相关性。甚至连“内向”这个词也被污名化了——一项由心理学家劳力·海尔即做的非正式的研究里，发现内向者能用生动的语言描述自己的外表（“蓝绿眼睛”、“异国风情”、“高颧骨”），但是被问到描述普通的内向者的时候，他们描画了一幅平淡无奇乏味的图片（“笨拙的”、“中性色”、“皮肤问题”）。
我们在不假思索地接受外向理想型的时候犯了一个大错。我们的一些伟大的想法、艺术和发明——从进化论观点到梵高的向日葵到个人电脑——都来自于安静和用脑的人，他们知道如何协调自己内心世界，以及让自己的珍宝被人们发现。
Today we make room for a remarkably narrow range of personality styles. We're told that to be great is to be bold, to be happy is to be sociable. We see ourselves as a nation of extroverts -- which means that we've lost sight of who we really are. Depending on which study you consult, one-third to one-half of Americans are introverts -- in other words, one out of every two or three people you know. (Given that the United States is among the most extroverted of nations, the number must be at least as high in other parts of the world.) If you're not an introvert yourself, you are surely raising, managing, married to, or coupled with one.
If these statistics surprise you, that's probably because so many people pretend to be
extroverts. Closet introverts pass undetected on playgrounds, in high school locker rooms, and in the corridors of corporate America. Some fool even themselves, until some life event -- a layoff, an empty nest, an inheritance that frees them to spend time as they like -- jolts them into taking stock of their true natures. You have only to raise the subject of this book with your friends and acquaintances to find that the most unlikely people consider themselves introverts.
It makes sense that so many introverts hide even from themselves. We live with a value
system that I call the Extrovert Ideal -- the omnipresent belief that the ideal self is gregarious, alpha, and comfortable in the spotlight. The archetypal extrovert prefers action to
contemplation, risk- taking to heed-taking, certainty to doubt. He favors quick decisions, even at the risk of being wrong. She works well in teams and socializes in groups. We like to think that we value individuality, but all too often we admire one type of individual -- the kind who's comfortable "putting himself out there." Sure, we allow technologically gifted loners who launch companies in garages to have any personality they please, but they are the exceptions, not the rule, and our tolerance extends mainly to those who get fabulously wealthy or hold the promise of doing so.
Introversion -- along with its cousins sensitivity, seriousness, and shyness -- is now a second- class personality trait, somewhere between a disappointment and a pathology. Introverts
living under the Extrovert Ideal are like women in a man's world, discounted because of a trait that goes to the core of who they are. Extroversion is an enormously appealing personality style, but we've turned it into an oppressive standard to which most of us feel we must conform.
The Extrovert Ideal has been documented in many studies, though this research has never been grouped under a single name. Talkative people, for example, are rated as smarter, better- looking, more interesting, and more desirable as friends. Velocity of speech counts as well as volume: we rank fast talkers as more competent and likable than slow ones. The same
dynamics apply in groups, where research shows that the voluble are considered smarter than the reticent -- even though there's zero correlation between the gift of gab and good ideas. Even the word introvert is stigmatized -- one informal study, by psychologist Laurie Helgoe, found that introverts described their own physical appearance in vivid language ( "green-blue eyes," "exotic," "high cheekbones"), but when asked to describe generic introverts they drew a bland and distasteful picture ("ungainly," "neutral colors," "skin problems").
But we make a grave mistake to embrace the Extrovert Ideal so unthinkingly. Some of our greatest ideas, art, and inventions -- from the theory of evolution to van Gogh's sunflowers to the personal computer -- came from quiet and cerebral people who knew how to tune in to their inner worlds and the treasures to be found there.
内向的力量
作者：苏珊·凯恩 2012-4-18
如今，我们要为不寻常的个性风格的狭窄范围腾出空位。我们被告知，要好就要够大胆，要快乐就要会社交。我们视自己是一个性格外向的国家——这意味这我们丢掉了真实模样。根据研究，有三分之一到一半的美国人都是性格外向者，换句话说，你了解的每两到三个人中就有一个。（鉴于美国在最外向的国家中，数字起码要比世界其他的地方要高。）如果你本人不内向向，那么你肯定被一个内向的人抚养、监护或者和一个内向的人结婚或者结合在一起。
如果这个统计数据让你吃了一惊，那么可能是因为太多的人假装性格外向。私下的内向会在操场上、在高中衣帽间和美国公司的走廊里传递。有些人甚至欺骗他们自己，知道一些生活事件——临时解雇、空巢、一笔让他们按自己喜好自由使用时间的遗产——震荡了他们，使其重新审视自己的真实本质。你只要将这本书的主题和你的朋友和熟人提及，去找找那些最不可能认为自己是性格内向的人。
这就能明白，为什么那么多内向者隐藏自己了，甚至对自己也是。我们生活在一个我称为外向理想的价值体系中，理想自我是群居、占统治地位而且在聚光灯下很舒服的信仰无所不在。原型外向者更喜欢行动而不是沉思，更喜欢冒险而不是留心，更喜欢确定而不是怀疑。他喜欢快速的决定，甘冒犯错的危险。在团队中她表现良好，善于交际。我们常常认为，我们重视个人主义，但是却常常只是欣赏一种类型的人——那种“将自己摆出来”也很舒服的人。当然，我们允许技术天才独行者将自己的公司开在车库里，也允许他们拥有他们喜欢的任一性格，但是他们是例外，不是规律，我们也容忍那些富甲一方或者坚持信念如此做的人。
内向——常常伴着它的表亲：敏感、认真和羞怯——现在就处于二等人格特质，介于失望和病之间。性格内向的人活在性格外向的理想型下，就像女人活在男人的世界里一样不受到重视，因为那是一个反映他们是谁的核心问题。外向性是一种非常吸引人的性格类型，但是我们已将其变成了沉重的标准，我们很多人觉得我们必须要顺从。
外向型理想在很多的研究里有刊载，但是这类调查从未归组在同一个名类之下。例如，健谈的人就被认为更聪明、更有模有样，更有风趣以及更想与其成为朋友。话语的速度和音量也在考虑之内：我们将语速快者列为更能干和更讨人喜欢的一类，而慢的就不是这样。这种同样的现象也适用于群体里面，研究表明，爱说话的比沉默不语的被认为更聪明——即使能说会道和好想法之间没有任何相关性。甚至连“内向”这个词也被污名化了——一项由心理学家劳力·海尔即做的非正式的研究里，发现内向者能用生动的语言描述自己的外表（“蓝绿眼睛”、“异国风情”、“高颧骨”），但是被问到描述普通的内向者的时候，他们描画了一幅平淡无奇乏味的图片（“笨拙的”、“中性色”、“皮肤问题”）。
我们在不假思索地接受外向理想型的时候犯了一个大错。我们的一些伟大的想法、艺术和发明——从进化论观点到梵高的向日葵到个人电脑——都来自于安静和用脑的人，他们知道如何协调自己内心世界，以及让自己的珍宝被人们发现。
Today we make room for a remarkably narrow range of personality styles. We're told that to be great is to be bold, to be happy is to be sociable. We see ourselves as a nation of extroverts -- which means that we've lost sight of who we really are. Depending on which study you consult, one-third to one-half of Americans are introverts -- in other words, one out of every two or three people you know. (Given that the United States is among the most extroverted of nations, the number must be at least as high in other parts of the world.) If you're not an introvert yourself, you are surely raising, managing, married to, or coupled with one.
If these statistics surprise you, that's probably because so many people pretend to be
extroverts. Closet introverts pass undetected on playgrounds, in high school locker rooms, and in the corridors of corporate America. Some fool even themselves, until some life event -- a layoff, an empty nest, an inheritance that frees them to spend time as they like -- jolts them into taking stock of their true natures. You have only to raise the subject of this book with your friends and acquaintances to find that the most unlikely people consider themselves introverts.
It makes sense that so many introverts hide even from themselves. We live with a value
system that I call the Extrovert Ideal -- the omnipresent belief that the ideal self is gregarious, alpha, and comfortable in the spotlight. The archetypal extrovert prefers action to
contemplation, risk- taking to heed-taking, certainty to doubt. He favors quick decisions, even at the risk of being wrong. She works well in teams and socializes in groups. We like to think that we value individuality, but all too often we admire one type of individual -- the kind who's comfortable "putting himself out there." Sure, we allow technologically gifted loners who launch companies in garages to have any personality they please, but they are the exceptions, not the rule, and our tolerance extends mainly to those who get fabulously wealthy or hold the promise of doing so.
Introversion -- along with its cousins sensitivity, seriousness, and shyness -- is now a second- class personality trait, somewhere between a disappointment and a pathology. Introverts
living under the Extrovert Ideal are like women in a man's world, discounted because of a trait that goes to the core of who they are. Extroversion is an enormously appealing personality style, but we've turned it into an oppressive standard to which most of us feel we must conform.
The Extrovert Ideal has been documented in many studies, though this research has never been grouped under a single name. Talkative people, for example, are rated as smarter, better- looking, more interesting, and more desirable as friends. Velocity of speech counts as well as volume: we rank fast talkers as more competent and likable than slow ones. The same
dynamics apply in groups, where research shows that the voluble are considered smarter than the reticent -- even though there's zero correlation between the gift of gab and good ideas. Even the word introvert is stigmatized -- one informal study, by psychologist Laurie Helgoe, found that introverts described their own physical appearance in vivid language ( "green-blue eyes," "exotic," "high cheekbones"), but when asked to describe generic introverts they drew a bland and distasteful picture ("ungainly," "neutral colors," "skin problems").
But we make a grave mistake to embrace the Extrovert Ideal so unthinkingly. Some of our greatest ideas, art, and inventions -- from the theory of evolution to van Gogh's sunflowers to the personal computer -- came from quiet and cerebral people who knew how to tune in to their inner worlds and the treasures to be found there.